Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Following points were discussed in the meeting of January 17, 2010:
1. You should realize that you are not an average “joe”. Keep your spirits high and your “Ahankar” very low.
2. Please find gurus for you. – A guru can help you because he/she may not be affected by the situation you may be in.
3. Do not concentrate on results. Concentrate only on your hard work. The results are based upon many other factors including your work. In general your work will bring suitable results.
4. Do not become selfish.
5. Always have plans for: Life, Year, Month and today. You can keep modifying these plans based upon new inputs.
6. Make a practice to give benefit of doubt and stop doubting others. This will make your own life simple.
7. Try to develop only two ways to treat others – with love and with respect. Sometimes it may need work to find the qualities which deserve respect.
8. Take advice from all sources, but at the end you must use your own judgment and take full responsibility for your ideas and actions.
9. Make efforts to leave every place a little better than you found it.
10. Studies - Pay attention in the class, Concentration, Hard work, Interaction with the teachers.
11. Some matrimonial points – These are only my personal opinions and you should take input from your family regarding any controversial points.
Some suggestions on how to select your life partner or a friend:
This subject is such a complex one that even after many years and centuries there is no comprehensive answer to it. In my experience, I have found that many couples jump into marriage with very idealistic thoughts and dreams. Unfortunately, when faced with day to day realities and issues, this idealism fades and is replaced with negativity and resentment toward the other partner. Upon completion of your education, you all will be ready to take the next step in life. I would like to suggest the following ideas:
1. I am sure you all want to get married to a person of your dreams. I think that is your first mistake. The entire married life is not comprised of dreams, but of real day to day facts and issues. While physical beauty and appearance are important to ensure attraction, it is more important to learn about the other person’s nature and qualities to see if you can work together and share the life goals. One way to evaluate this could be to have both individuals write down their lists of
a. your personal good qualities
b. your personal bad qualities
c. “deal breakers” – issues that are of extreme, non-negotiable importance (i.e. my parents will always live with me)
d. what qualities you would like to see in your partner
e. what qualities you dislike in other people
f. your expectations of your partner
g. etc
Once you both exchange your lists you can easily see what ideas you differ on and further discuss those points. During your discussion, if you are able to find a middle ground on those issues, then there is a good chance you both will be able to compromise. However if you find that you both are disagreeing and unable to compromise, you may want to avoid attempting to form an “everlasting” relationship with this match.
2. Do not ever think that things will change after marriage or that you will be able to change the other person after marriage. Many times things change for the worse. No one can change another person unless the other person desires the change within themselves.
3. In my opinion, it is good to get married to a proper person. On the other hand, it is better to stay unmarried rather than getting married to an incompatible partner.
4. Do not compare potential partners. Evaluate each person on an individual basis to see if he/she is right for you. Also, trust your instinct.
Here are some points after you are married:
1. Do not criticize or blame actions of your spouse. Actually I do not think that you should criticize or blame anyone, because we all do everything based upon our best judgments.
2. Once you make the decision to commit to another person, make sure you put in 100% effort to compromise and make the relationship a success. Any relationship requires compromises from both sides. Do not compare your compromises or sacrifices to your partner’s. In order to make your marriage a success, you must see yourself and your partner as a team and always do what is best for the team.
3. The reality is that you and your spouse will have disagreements after marriage. This is normal for all couples. Two educated individuals will always have their own opinions and views on various topics. During a disagreement, do your best to stay calm and listen to your partner’s point of view with an open-mind. Take turns listening to one another and then work to come to a compromise that suits both of you.
4. In the event that you are unable to find a compromise or solution, you should both be able to discuss your issues with a trusted “guru”. This person can be your parents, a teacher, another married couple that you both trust. Do your best to find someone who sincerely has your best interest at heart and whose guidance and advice you trust. Your parents have gone through the adjustment of marriage and have great experience. As your well-wishers they might be the best advisors on how to handle difficult situations. Always remember, you are not alone. Many couples have issues. The test is how you get through those issues and strengthen your relationship.
5. Try not to have unrealistic expectations of your partner. When the other person does not meet your expectations or does not always do what you expect, you will only be disappointed. Also, remember that your partner is not a mind reader. If there is something you want her/him to do, tell her/him.
6. Never compare your spouse to others that you know. Your wife will never be the same as your mother or sister’s and you should not expect that of her. Your husband will never be the same as your father or brother’s and you should not expect that of him.
7. Following “customs”: Customs are formed after many years of experiences, so many of them may be appropriate even after long times. There can also be some problems in following customs blindly. I think you should honor and follow some customs, but if some custom seems in-appropriate, then make use of your own judgment. There may be customs which were formed earlier which are not appropriate today.
One example in Hindu ideology is “DAUGHTER IS PARAYA DHAN” and “KANYA DAAN”, refer Sai baba serial.
2. Please find gurus for you. – A guru can help you because he/she may not be affected by the situation you may be in.
3. Do not concentrate on results. Concentrate only on your hard work. The results are based upon many other factors including your work. In general your work will bring suitable results.
4. Do not become selfish.
5. Always have plans for: Life, Year, Month and today. You can keep modifying these plans based upon new inputs.
6. Make a practice to give benefit of doubt and stop doubting others. This will make your own life simple.
7. Try to develop only two ways to treat others – with love and with respect. Sometimes it may need work to find the qualities which deserve respect.
8. Take advice from all sources, but at the end you must use your own judgment and take full responsibility for your ideas and actions.
9. Make efforts to leave every place a little better than you found it.
10. Studies - Pay attention in the class, Concentration, Hard work, Interaction with the teachers.
11. Some matrimonial points – These are only my personal opinions and you should take input from your family regarding any controversial points.
Some suggestions on how to select your life partner or a friend:
This subject is such a complex one that even after many years and centuries there is no comprehensive answer to it. In my experience, I have found that many couples jump into marriage with very idealistic thoughts and dreams. Unfortunately, when faced with day to day realities and issues, this idealism fades and is replaced with negativity and resentment toward the other partner. Upon completion of your education, you all will be ready to take the next step in life. I would like to suggest the following ideas:
1. I am sure you all want to get married to a person of your dreams. I think that is your first mistake. The entire married life is not comprised of dreams, but of real day to day facts and issues. While physical beauty and appearance are important to ensure attraction, it is more important to learn about the other person’s nature and qualities to see if you can work together and share the life goals. One way to evaluate this could be to have both individuals write down their lists of
a. your personal good qualities
b. your personal bad qualities
c. “deal breakers” – issues that are of extreme, non-negotiable importance (i.e. my parents will always live with me)
d. what qualities you would like to see in your partner
e. what qualities you dislike in other people
f. your expectations of your partner
g. etc
Once you both exchange your lists you can easily see what ideas you differ on and further discuss those points. During your discussion, if you are able to find a middle ground on those issues, then there is a good chance you both will be able to compromise. However if you find that you both are disagreeing and unable to compromise, you may want to avoid attempting to form an “everlasting” relationship with this match.
2. Do not ever think that things will change after marriage or that you will be able to change the other person after marriage. Many times things change for the worse. No one can change another person unless the other person desires the change within themselves.
3. In my opinion, it is good to get married to a proper person. On the other hand, it is better to stay unmarried rather than getting married to an incompatible partner.
4. Do not compare potential partners. Evaluate each person on an individual basis to see if he/she is right for you. Also, trust your instinct.
Here are some points after you are married:
1. Do not criticize or blame actions of your spouse. Actually I do not think that you should criticize or blame anyone, because we all do everything based upon our best judgments.
2. Once you make the decision to commit to another person, make sure you put in 100% effort to compromise and make the relationship a success. Any relationship requires compromises from both sides. Do not compare your compromises or sacrifices to your partner’s. In order to make your marriage a success, you must see yourself and your partner as a team and always do what is best for the team.
3. The reality is that you and your spouse will have disagreements after marriage. This is normal for all couples. Two educated individuals will always have their own opinions and views on various topics. During a disagreement, do your best to stay calm and listen to your partner’s point of view with an open-mind. Take turns listening to one another and then work to come to a compromise that suits both of you.
4. In the event that you are unable to find a compromise or solution, you should both be able to discuss your issues with a trusted “guru”. This person can be your parents, a teacher, another married couple that you both trust. Do your best to find someone who sincerely has your best interest at heart and whose guidance and advice you trust. Your parents have gone through the adjustment of marriage and have great experience. As your well-wishers they might be the best advisors on how to handle difficult situations. Always remember, you are not alone. Many couples have issues. The test is how you get through those issues and strengthen your relationship.
5. Try not to have unrealistic expectations of your partner. When the other person does not meet your expectations or does not always do what you expect, you will only be disappointed. Also, remember that your partner is not a mind reader. If there is something you want her/him to do, tell her/him.
6. Never compare your spouse to others that you know. Your wife will never be the same as your mother or sister’s and you should not expect that of her. Your husband will never be the same as your father or brother’s and you should not expect that of him.
7. Following “customs”: Customs are formed after many years of experiences, so many of them may be appropriate even after long times. There can also be some problems in following customs blindly. I think you should honor and follow some customs, but if some custom seems in-appropriate, then make use of your own judgment. There may be customs which were formed earlier which are not appropriate today.
One example in Hindu ideology is “DAUGHTER IS PARAYA DHAN” and “KANYA DAAN”, refer Sai baba serial.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, August 27, 2009
090827 MARRIAGE SYSTEM WITH COMMENTS FROM ADMIRAL BHARATHAN
Along with your education, many of you will be entering new phase of life - Marriage. I think this is such an important subject that it will be worht while to discuss some of following points in our next common meeting. I will keep you informed about time and place of our next meeting. It will be on some sunday. If any of you will not be able to attend any sundays from November 29 to January 31, 2010, please let me know.
MARRIAGE SYSTEM
All human beings require wise counsel from time to time.
The spouse is your best friend motivated to give you sound advice
The spouse would also be a very good sounding board and reason with you on the merits of several decisions being taken.
Marriage is a very good safety valve both physically and mentally. It brings in a sense of responsibility while also looking after your emotional and physical natural needs.
Marriage and its institution create a good social network that is civilized and orderly in human conduct and behavior.
In the younger stages of life when energy levels are high one can mange to be all alone. As one grows older all human beings desire the comfort of a relationship. The hug of a mother is translated to hug of a spouse and children. Caring for your family would make you care for others too.
Marriage mostly guards against humans going astray. Even today despite society becoming more liberal, the institution of marriage is a safeguard against physically weakening promiscuity and consequent disease as well loose morality with adverse effects on professionalism and society.
The laws of the jungle would perhaps prevail but for the sacred institution of marriage and without it there would be more crimes in the society.
************************************************************************
SOME POINTS WORTH DISCUSSING ABOUT MARRIAGE:
WHY TO GET MARRIED?
ATTRACTION BETWEEN OPPOSITE SEXES
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MARRIAGE – YOUR PERSONAL POINTS
IMPORTANCE GIVEN TO SEX IN MARRIAGE
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE – LAW AND ORDER, OFFSPRINGS, HEALTH RISKS, LEGAL POINTS, SENTIMENTS, FINANCIAL STABILITY, LIFE PARTNER AND RESTRICTIONS.
HOW TO SELECT YOUR PARTNER?
YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THE PRPOSED PARTNER – HOW MUCH?
MARRIAGE SYSTEM:
HOW DID RELIGION COME INTO MARRIAGE
DIFFERENT PRACTICES IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES AND RELIGIONS
CONCEPT OF KANYA DAN
MARRIAGE SYSTEM
All human beings require wise counsel from time to time.
The spouse is your best friend motivated to give you sound advice
The spouse would also be a very good sounding board and reason with you on the merits of several decisions being taken.
Marriage is a very good safety valve both physically and mentally. It brings in a sense of responsibility while also looking after your emotional and physical natural needs.
Marriage and its institution create a good social network that is civilized and orderly in human conduct and behavior.
In the younger stages of life when energy levels are high one can mange to be all alone. As one grows older all human beings desire the comfort of a relationship. The hug of a mother is translated to hug of a spouse and children. Caring for your family would make you care for others too.
Marriage mostly guards against humans going astray. Even today despite society becoming more liberal, the institution of marriage is a safeguard against physically weakening promiscuity and consequent disease as well loose morality with adverse effects on professionalism and society.
The laws of the jungle would perhaps prevail but for the sacred institution of marriage and without it there would be more crimes in the society.
************************************************************************
SOME POINTS WORTH DISCUSSING ABOUT MARRIAGE:
WHY TO GET MARRIED?
ATTRACTION BETWEEN OPPOSITE SEXES
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MARRIAGE – YOUR PERSONAL POINTS
IMPORTANCE GIVEN TO SEX IN MARRIAGE
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE – LAW AND ORDER, OFFSPRINGS, HEALTH RISKS, LEGAL POINTS, SENTIMENTS, FINANCIAL STABILITY, LIFE PARTNER AND RESTRICTIONS.
HOW TO SELECT YOUR PARTNER?
YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THE PRPOSED PARTNER – HOW MUCH?
MARRIAGE SYSTEM:
HOW DID RELIGION COME INTO MARRIAGE
DIFFERENT PRACTICES IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES AND RELIGIONS
CONCEPT OF KANYA DAN
090826 POINTS FROM ADMIRAL BHARATHAN
I requested my good friend Admiral Venkat Bharathan to share advice from his life experiences so that I could pass it on to you. I would like for all of you to review his advice and start applying these words of wisdom to your life.
Every human being is more talented than what he or she thinks.
Every one of us needs to be more disciplined than what we actually are.
Our dreams and desires must be matched with drive and determination.
We must be able to always understand the difference between facts and perceptions.
Mental and physical fitness are the keys to open the lock of our life.
Planning is the key to success. If we fail to plan then we are planning to fail.
It is important to be excellent in what we are good at and strive to overcome our weaknesses.
It is important for us to finish the ordinary and routine things without postponement.
Each one of us must realize the value of our voice and must learn to use it well.
Attitude is the foundation of success. A good attitude would prepare us to face adversity and help us convert all challenges to opportunities.
It is Ok to have fears and doubts; it is not ok to be drowned by them. Overcoming them by planning, preparation partcipation and perseverance (the four P approach) would make us better human beings.
Each of us have to follow the 4 R theory; our Role, Responsibility, Routine and Relationship.
In life human relationship is the most important. This decides how our life is going to be shaped. Good relationship with our Father denotes respect for life and society; Mother denotes love and affection for humanity; Sisters and Brothers teach us the beauty of human relationship; Elders, Teachers, superiors (at work) tutor us in the laws of life; Children and their friends give us the chance to learn about the next generation; Subordinates or those less privileged make us grateful, humble, compassionate.
Self is the beginning of all of the above; selfishness is needed in life for self preservation. At the same time selfishness should not poison our self and others.
Understand what LUCK is.
L is for learning, listening, laughing, leading well.
U is for understanding, uniting, utilizing, being useful.
C is for being competent, confident, cheerful, compassionate.
K is for knowledge, keenness, kinship, kindness.
We must always dress well and think of the colours of clothes that suits us and improves our looks.
Posture and bearing are part of our personality development.
Lastly each one of us must always remember to be:
Confident without arrogance;
Modest without servility;
Right always in our facts;
Respectful in our dealings;
Responsible in our actions;
Credible in our conduct;
Pleasing in our manners;
Polite in our replies;
Able to control our anger and temper.
Every human being is more talented than what he or she thinks.
Every one of us needs to be more disciplined than what we actually are.
Our dreams and desires must be matched with drive and determination.
We must be able to always understand the difference between facts and perceptions.
Mental and physical fitness are the keys to open the lock of our life.
Planning is the key to success. If we fail to plan then we are planning to fail.
It is important to be excellent in what we are good at and strive to overcome our weaknesses.
It is important for us to finish the ordinary and routine things without postponement.
Each one of us must realize the value of our voice and must learn to use it well.
Attitude is the foundation of success. A good attitude would prepare us to face adversity and help us convert all challenges to opportunities.
It is Ok to have fears and doubts; it is not ok to be drowned by them. Overcoming them by planning, preparation partcipation and perseverance (the four P approach) would make us better human beings.
Each of us have to follow the 4 R theory; our Role, Responsibility, Routine and Relationship.
In life human relationship is the most important. This decides how our life is going to be shaped. Good relationship with our Father denotes respect for life and society; Mother denotes love and affection for humanity; Sisters and Brothers teach us the beauty of human relationship; Elders, Teachers, superiors (at work) tutor us in the laws of life; Children and their friends give us the chance to learn about the next generation; Subordinates or those less privileged make us grateful, humble, compassionate.
Self is the beginning of all of the above; selfishness is needed in life for self preservation. At the same time selfishness should not poison our self and others.
Understand what LUCK is.
L is for learning, listening, laughing, leading well.
U is for understanding, uniting, utilizing, being useful.
C is for being competent, confident, cheerful, compassionate.
K is for knowledge, keenness, kinship, kindness.
We must always dress well and think of the colours of clothes that suits us and improves our looks.
Posture and bearing are part of our personality development.
Lastly each one of us must always remember to be:
Confident without arrogance;
Modest without servility;
Right always in our facts;
Respectful in our dealings;
Responsible in our actions;
Credible in our conduct;
Pleasing in our manners;
Polite in our replies;
Able to control our anger and temper.
090815 POINTS TO IMPROVE YOURSELF
Most of us desire to improve ourselves. I spent lot of time in trying to analyze as to how can I improve myself. I came up with following idea. The basic concept of this idea is that I should try to find out as to what actions others should do by which I will consider them better persons. Then I should apply the idea to myself.
SERVICE, LOVE AND RESPECT:
I think you should be ready to serve any one who may need your service and without any desire for being paid back. Actually, any type of such service may benefit the other person, whom you are serving, but it will decidedly be beneficial to you. It will develop more confidence in you and you will feel lot better.
I think every one desires love and respect. Again with same basic concept, before you can get love and respect, you have to start giving love and respect to every one. In several religious ideas, they ask you to see GOD in every human being. If you can start practicing to see GOD in every living being, it will become easy to start loving and respecting every one and you will become a better person. When you start seeing GOD in every one, you will not criticize or blame any one. Just think for yourself – if some one blames or criticizes you, decidedly, you do not like it. Even a small child of two years old will prefer that what ever work he/she has done should not be condemned. It is good to remember that we all do every thing because we think that is right thing to do. So, if you think I should not have done it, it only means that we (you and me) think in different ways. That decidedly does not make me or you wrong.
You can play a game when you have time for yourself and do not expect to be disturbed – Write down all the instances that you remember when you blamed or criticized any one. Then evaluate all such instances for items like
At the end, was any one benefited with that?
Was there any other way, you could have handled the situation, without the criticism?
In most of the situations you will find that no one benefits with blames or criticism. Actually, the relationships can deteriorate with such actions. With some constructive thinking, you may be able to find how you could have changed your actions of criticism. Following statement may help.
There was swimming championship going on. One mother saw her daughter came in last in the race. Obviously, the mother could not change the outcome, but mother rushed to the daughter and told her that “flipping of your feet has become close to perfection.” In this case, the mother did not make any wrong statement and neither had she criticized her daughter for some thing the daughter had done her best.
Obviously, you have to do hard work to find “good and positive” aspects of any situation, whereas criticism is so easy to find. I suggest that you get in practice of doing hard work and start finding good aspects of every situation – I am sure there are positives.
SERVICE, LOVE AND RESPECT:
I think you should be ready to serve any one who may need your service and without any desire for being paid back. Actually, any type of such service may benefit the other person, whom you are serving, but it will decidedly be beneficial to you. It will develop more confidence in you and you will feel lot better.
I think every one desires love and respect. Again with same basic concept, before you can get love and respect, you have to start giving love and respect to every one. In several religious ideas, they ask you to see GOD in every human being. If you can start practicing to see GOD in every living being, it will become easy to start loving and respecting every one and you will become a better person. When you start seeing GOD in every one, you will not criticize or blame any one. Just think for yourself – if some one blames or criticizes you, decidedly, you do not like it. Even a small child of two years old will prefer that what ever work he/she has done should not be condemned. It is good to remember that we all do every thing because we think that is right thing to do. So, if you think I should not have done it, it only means that we (you and me) think in different ways. That decidedly does not make me or you wrong.
You can play a game when you have time for yourself and do not expect to be disturbed – Write down all the instances that you remember when you blamed or criticized any one. Then evaluate all such instances for items like
At the end, was any one benefited with that?
Was there any other way, you could have handled the situation, without the criticism?
In most of the situations you will find that no one benefits with blames or criticism. Actually, the relationships can deteriorate with such actions. With some constructive thinking, you may be able to find how you could have changed your actions of criticism. Following statement may help.
There was swimming championship going on. One mother saw her daughter came in last in the race. Obviously, the mother could not change the outcome, but mother rushed to the daughter and told her that “flipping of your feet has become close to perfection.” In this case, the mother did not make any wrong statement and neither had she criticized her daughter for some thing the daughter had done her best.
Obviously, you have to do hard work to find “good and positive” aspects of any situation, whereas criticism is so easy to find. I suggest that you get in practice of doing hard work and start finding good aspects of every situation – I am sure there are positives.
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