Following points were discussed in the meeting of January 17, 2010:

1. You should realize that you are not an average “joe”. Keep your spirits high and your “Ahankar” very low.

2. Please find gurus for you. – A guru can help you because he/she may not be affected by the situation you may be in.

3. Do not concentrate on results. Concentrate only on your hard work. The results are based upon many other factors including your work. In general your work will bring suitable results.

4. Do not become selfish.

5. Always have plans for: Life, Year, Month and today. You can keep modifying these plans based upon new inputs.

6. Make a practice to give benefit of doubt and stop doubting others. This will make your own life simple.

7. Try to develop only two ways to treat others – with love and with respect. Sometimes it may need work to find the qualities which deserve respect.

8. Take advice from all sources, but at the end you must use your own judgment and take full responsibility for your ideas and actions.

9. Make efforts to leave every place a little better than you found it.

10. Studies - Pay attention in the class, Concentration, Hard work, Interaction with the teachers.

11. Some matrimonial points – These are only my personal opinions and you should take input from your family regarding any controversial points.

Some suggestions on how to select your life partner or a friend:

This subject is such a complex one that even after many years and centuries there is no comprehensive answer to it. In my experience, I have found that many couples jump into marriage with very idealistic thoughts and dreams. Unfortunately, when faced with day to day realities and issues, this idealism fades and is replaced with negativity and resentment toward the other partner. Upon completion of your education, you all will be ready to take the next step in life. I would like to suggest the following ideas:

1. I am sure you all want to get married to a person of your dreams. I think that is your first mistake. The entire married life is not comprised of dreams, but of real day to day facts and issues. While physical beauty and appearance are important to ensure attraction, it is more important to learn about the other person’s nature and qualities to see if you can work together and share the life goals. One way to evaluate this could be to have both individuals write down their lists of
a. your personal good qualities
b. your personal bad qualities
c. “deal breakers” – issues that are of extreme, non-negotiable importance (i.e. my parents will always live with me)
d. what qualities you would like to see in your partner
e. what qualities you dislike in other people
f. your expectations of your partner
g. etc

Once you both exchange your lists you can easily see what ideas you differ on and further discuss those points. During your discussion, if you are able to find a middle ground on those issues, then there is a good chance you both will be able to compromise. However if you find that you both are disagreeing and unable to compromise, you may want to avoid attempting to form an “everlasting” relationship with this match.

2. Do not ever think that things will change after marriage or that you will be able to change the other person after marriage. Many times things change for the worse. No one can change another person unless the other person desires the change within themselves.

3. In my opinion, it is good to get married to a proper person. On the other hand, it is better to stay unmarried rather than getting married to an incompatible partner.

4. Do not compare potential partners. Evaluate each person on an individual basis to see if he/she is right for you. Also, trust your instinct.

Here are some points after you are married:

1. Do not criticize or blame actions of your spouse. Actually I do not think that you should criticize or blame anyone, because we all do everything based upon our best judgments.

2. Once you make the decision to commit to another person, make sure you put in 100% effort to compromise and make the relationship a success. Any relationship requires compromises from both sides. Do not compare your compromises or sacrifices to your partner’s. In order to make your marriage a success, you must see yourself and your partner as a team and always do what is best for the team.

3. The reality is that you and your spouse will have disagreements after marriage. This is normal for all couples. Two educated individuals will always have their own opinions and views on various topics. During a disagreement, do your best to stay calm and listen to your partner’s point of view with an open-mind. Take turns listening to one another and then work to come to a compromise that suits both of you.

4. In the event that you are unable to find a compromise or solution, you should both be able to discuss your issues with a trusted “guru”. This person can be your parents, a teacher, another married couple that you both trust. Do your best to find someone who sincerely has your best interest at heart and whose guidance and advice you trust. Your parents have gone through the adjustment of marriage and have great experience. As your well-wishers they might be the best advisors on how to handle difficult situations. Always remember, you are not alone. Many couples have issues. The test is how you get through those issues and strengthen your relationship.

5. Try not to have unrealistic expectations of your partner. When the other person does not meet your expectations or does not always do what you expect, you will only be disappointed. Also, remember that your partner is not a mind reader. If there is something you want her/him to do, tell her/him.

6. Never compare your spouse to others that you know. Your wife will never be the same as your mother or sister’s and you should not expect that of her. Your husband will never be the same as your father or brother’s and you should not expect that of him.

7. Following “customs”: Customs are formed after many years of experiences, so many of them may be appropriate even after long times. There can also be some problems in following customs blindly. I think you should honor and follow some customs, but if some custom seems in-appropriate, then make use of your own judgment. There may be customs which were formed earlier which are not appropriate today.

One example in Hindu ideology is “DAUGHTER IS PARAYA DHAN” and “KANYA DAAN”, refer Sai baba serial.

Some photos taken on 100117 meeting: