Along with your education, many of you will be entering new phase of life - Marriage. I think this is such an important subject that it will be worht while to discuss some of following points in our next common meeting. I will keep you informed about time and place of our next meeting. It will be on some sunday. If any of you will not be able to attend any sundays from November 29 to January 31, 2010, please let me know.
MARRIAGE SYSTEM
All human beings require wise counsel from time to time.
The spouse is your best friend motivated to give you sound advice
The spouse would also be a very good sounding board and reason with you on the merits of several decisions being taken.
Marriage is a very good safety valve both physically and mentally. It brings in a sense of responsibility while also looking after your emotional and physical natural needs.
Marriage and its institution create a good social network that is civilized and orderly in human conduct and behavior.
In the younger stages of life when energy levels are high one can mange to be all alone. As one grows older all human beings desire the comfort of a relationship. The hug of a mother is translated to hug of a spouse and children. Caring for your family would make you care for others too.
Marriage mostly guards against humans going astray. Even today despite society becoming more liberal, the institution of marriage is a safeguard against physically weakening promiscuity and consequent disease as well loose morality with adverse effects on professionalism and society.
The laws of the jungle would perhaps prevail but for the sacred institution of marriage and without it there would be more crimes in the society.
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SOME POINTS WORTH DISCUSSING ABOUT MARRIAGE:
WHY TO GET MARRIED?
ATTRACTION BETWEEN OPPOSITE SEXES
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MARRIAGE – YOUR PERSONAL POINTS
IMPORTANCE GIVEN TO SEX IN MARRIAGE
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE – LAW AND ORDER, OFFSPRINGS, HEALTH RISKS, LEGAL POINTS, SENTIMENTS, FINANCIAL STABILITY, LIFE PARTNER AND RESTRICTIONS.
HOW TO SELECT YOUR PARTNER?
YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THE PRPOSED PARTNER – HOW MUCH?
MARRIAGE SYSTEM:
HOW DID RELIGION COME INTO MARRIAGE
DIFFERENT PRACTICES IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES AND RELIGIONS
CONCEPT OF KANYA DAN
Thursday, August 27, 2009
090826 POINTS FROM ADMIRAL BHARATHAN
I requested my good friend Admiral Venkat Bharathan to share advice from his life experiences so that I could pass it on to you. I would like for all of you to review his advice and start applying these words of wisdom to your life.
Every human being is more talented than what he or she thinks.
Every one of us needs to be more disciplined than what we actually are.
Our dreams and desires must be matched with drive and determination.
We must be able to always understand the difference between facts and perceptions.
Mental and physical fitness are the keys to open the lock of our life.
Planning is the key to success. If we fail to plan then we are planning to fail.
It is important to be excellent in what we are good at and strive to overcome our weaknesses.
It is important for us to finish the ordinary and routine things without postponement.
Each one of us must realize the value of our voice and must learn to use it well.
Attitude is the foundation of success. A good attitude would prepare us to face adversity and help us convert all challenges to opportunities.
It is Ok to have fears and doubts; it is not ok to be drowned by them. Overcoming them by planning, preparation partcipation and perseverance (the four P approach) would make us better human beings.
Each of us have to follow the 4 R theory; our Role, Responsibility, Routine and Relationship.
In life human relationship is the most important. This decides how our life is going to be shaped. Good relationship with our Father denotes respect for life and society; Mother denotes love and affection for humanity; Sisters and Brothers teach us the beauty of human relationship; Elders, Teachers, superiors (at work) tutor us in the laws of life; Children and their friends give us the chance to learn about the next generation; Subordinates or those less privileged make us grateful, humble, compassionate.
Self is the beginning of all of the above; selfishness is needed in life for self preservation. At the same time selfishness should not poison our self and others.
Understand what LUCK is.
L is for learning, listening, laughing, leading well.
U is for understanding, uniting, utilizing, being useful.
C is for being competent, confident, cheerful, compassionate.
K is for knowledge, keenness, kinship, kindness.
We must always dress well and think of the colours of clothes that suits us and improves our looks.
Posture and bearing are part of our personality development.
Lastly each one of us must always remember to be:
Confident without arrogance;
Modest without servility;
Right always in our facts;
Respectful in our dealings;
Responsible in our actions;
Credible in our conduct;
Pleasing in our manners;
Polite in our replies;
Able to control our anger and temper.
Every human being is more talented than what he or she thinks.
Every one of us needs to be more disciplined than what we actually are.
Our dreams and desires must be matched with drive and determination.
We must be able to always understand the difference between facts and perceptions.
Mental and physical fitness are the keys to open the lock of our life.
Planning is the key to success. If we fail to plan then we are planning to fail.
It is important to be excellent in what we are good at and strive to overcome our weaknesses.
It is important for us to finish the ordinary and routine things without postponement.
Each one of us must realize the value of our voice and must learn to use it well.
Attitude is the foundation of success. A good attitude would prepare us to face adversity and help us convert all challenges to opportunities.
It is Ok to have fears and doubts; it is not ok to be drowned by them. Overcoming them by planning, preparation partcipation and perseverance (the four P approach) would make us better human beings.
Each of us have to follow the 4 R theory; our Role, Responsibility, Routine and Relationship.
In life human relationship is the most important. This decides how our life is going to be shaped. Good relationship with our Father denotes respect for life and society; Mother denotes love and affection for humanity; Sisters and Brothers teach us the beauty of human relationship; Elders, Teachers, superiors (at work) tutor us in the laws of life; Children and their friends give us the chance to learn about the next generation; Subordinates or those less privileged make us grateful, humble, compassionate.
Self is the beginning of all of the above; selfishness is needed in life for self preservation. At the same time selfishness should not poison our self and others.
Understand what LUCK is.
L is for learning, listening, laughing, leading well.
U is for understanding, uniting, utilizing, being useful.
C is for being competent, confident, cheerful, compassionate.
K is for knowledge, keenness, kinship, kindness.
We must always dress well and think of the colours of clothes that suits us and improves our looks.
Posture and bearing are part of our personality development.
Lastly each one of us must always remember to be:
Confident without arrogance;
Modest without servility;
Right always in our facts;
Respectful in our dealings;
Responsible in our actions;
Credible in our conduct;
Pleasing in our manners;
Polite in our replies;
Able to control our anger and temper.
090815 POINTS TO IMPROVE YOURSELF
Most of us desire to improve ourselves. I spent lot of time in trying to analyze as to how can I improve myself. I came up with following idea. The basic concept of this idea is that I should try to find out as to what actions others should do by which I will consider them better persons. Then I should apply the idea to myself.
SERVICE, LOVE AND RESPECT:
I think you should be ready to serve any one who may need your service and without any desire for being paid back. Actually, any type of such service may benefit the other person, whom you are serving, but it will decidedly be beneficial to you. It will develop more confidence in you and you will feel lot better.
I think every one desires love and respect. Again with same basic concept, before you can get love and respect, you have to start giving love and respect to every one. In several religious ideas, they ask you to see GOD in every human being. If you can start practicing to see GOD in every living being, it will become easy to start loving and respecting every one and you will become a better person. When you start seeing GOD in every one, you will not criticize or blame any one. Just think for yourself – if some one blames or criticizes you, decidedly, you do not like it. Even a small child of two years old will prefer that what ever work he/she has done should not be condemned. It is good to remember that we all do every thing because we think that is right thing to do. So, if you think I should not have done it, it only means that we (you and me) think in different ways. That decidedly does not make me or you wrong.
You can play a game when you have time for yourself and do not expect to be disturbed – Write down all the instances that you remember when you blamed or criticized any one. Then evaluate all such instances for items like
At the end, was any one benefited with that?
Was there any other way, you could have handled the situation, without the criticism?
In most of the situations you will find that no one benefits with blames or criticism. Actually, the relationships can deteriorate with such actions. With some constructive thinking, you may be able to find how you could have changed your actions of criticism. Following statement may help.
There was swimming championship going on. One mother saw her daughter came in last in the race. Obviously, the mother could not change the outcome, but mother rushed to the daughter and told her that “flipping of your feet has become close to perfection.” In this case, the mother did not make any wrong statement and neither had she criticized her daughter for some thing the daughter had done her best.
Obviously, you have to do hard work to find “good and positive” aspects of any situation, whereas criticism is so easy to find. I suggest that you get in practice of doing hard work and start finding good aspects of every situation – I am sure there are positives.
SERVICE, LOVE AND RESPECT:
I think you should be ready to serve any one who may need your service and without any desire for being paid back. Actually, any type of such service may benefit the other person, whom you are serving, but it will decidedly be beneficial to you. It will develop more confidence in you and you will feel lot better.
I think every one desires love and respect. Again with same basic concept, before you can get love and respect, you have to start giving love and respect to every one. In several religious ideas, they ask you to see GOD in every human being. If you can start practicing to see GOD in every living being, it will become easy to start loving and respecting every one and you will become a better person. When you start seeing GOD in every one, you will not criticize or blame any one. Just think for yourself – if some one blames or criticizes you, decidedly, you do not like it. Even a small child of two years old will prefer that what ever work he/she has done should not be condemned. It is good to remember that we all do every thing because we think that is right thing to do. So, if you think I should not have done it, it only means that we (you and me) think in different ways. That decidedly does not make me or you wrong.
You can play a game when you have time for yourself and do not expect to be disturbed – Write down all the instances that you remember when you blamed or criticized any one. Then evaluate all such instances for items like
At the end, was any one benefited with that?
Was there any other way, you could have handled the situation, without the criticism?
In most of the situations you will find that no one benefits with blames or criticism. Actually, the relationships can deteriorate with such actions. With some constructive thinking, you may be able to find how you could have changed your actions of criticism. Following statement may help.
There was swimming championship going on. One mother saw her daughter came in last in the race. Obviously, the mother could not change the outcome, but mother rushed to the daughter and told her that “flipping of your feet has become close to perfection.” In this case, the mother did not make any wrong statement and neither had she criticized her daughter for some thing the daughter had done her best.
Obviously, you have to do hard work to find “good and positive” aspects of any situation, whereas criticism is so easy to find. I suggest that you get in practice of doing hard work and start finding good aspects of every situation – I am sure there are positives.
090811 HOW TO SELECT YOUR FRIENDS
As we keep gaining experiences in our lives, we keep making friends and keep interacting with our friends and relatives. We all know that if we interact with any one with positive elements, our relationships will become better and go longer. Here I want to concentrate on how we can select good friends. Before I go forward, I want to discuss some thing important. Once I read that there are three types of friends – for a reason, for a season, and for life time. Friends for reason and season are for the sake of profits or conveniences. Because in general we keep looking after our interests and selfish motives, we can easily create methods to select and handle the friends of first two categories. My suggestions are only for friends for life – you can certainly extrapolate them for finding your life partners also.
EVALUATE YOUR SELF:
Some persons may think that evaluating yourself may be useless, because every one knows themselves. I have come across lot of intelligent and educated persons who have never spent time to evaluate themselves. That is the reason; I want to give this subject some importance.
Because I come from engineering background, I have to understand any thing I want to think and do, and I believe that I must write down my ideas. It allows me to review my ideas when I need them and may not be in the same state of mind. This is the reason I suggest that you also start writing your ideas and should always know how to find them at the time of need. One way is to write them on computer files and store them on a pen drive if you do not have your personal computer. One thing important to remember is that information on computer Medias is good, but at certain intervals you must keep an extra copy at a different place for the eventuality of loss of the media. Another method is to send e-mail to yourself attaching the files containing your ideas.
These are my suggestions:
Evaluate yourself as to who are you and what are you. Who you are is quite complicated and involves many religious and philosophical concepts, so I am not qualified to discuss it. I will try to help you in evaluating what you are.
First part of what you are is your resume or bio-data. Some people call it a “laundry list”. This describes information about you which is recorded some where and with appropriate help any one can verify it and it does not involve your thinking process. The second part is a list of your qualities, your preferences, likes and dislikes. I think everyone should be as clear as possible about their own particular list. Prepare this list as detailed as possible. Whenever you get additional ideas, keep modifying this list, but at any one time, you should have only one list. It may also be beneficial if you can start giving appropriate weights to some items in your list. If I want to make a list of 10 places to visit, I need to write them in a sequence of importance – so that if I do not have enough time or resources, I know which ones I need to visit first.
This list should include what are the things you like/dislike, what type of actions you like to do, what do you expect from a friend and similarly all other items that come in your mind.
Whenever you think of adding another individual as your friend, gradually, keep informing him/her ideas from this list. Chances are when you give your friend these ideas; your friend will also start giving you his/her similar ideas. If you decide that a particular friend will be your closer friend, make sure that you have conveyed him/her all the points from your list.
TRY TO EVALUATE YOUR FRIENDS:
Whenever you want some one to be your friend, you evaluate this person. Basically you try to find if there are more things which will make you happier in discussing or working with this person. I think the items which make you compatible with this person are good and necessary. At the same time, it is equally important to concentrate on the things which make the person “not compatible” for you. Spend lot of time to find “non compatible” qualities and evaluate if such items will be within your tolerance limits. If such items are likely to become beyond your limits, do not spend lot of time with this person.
EVALUATE YOUR SELF:
Some persons may think that evaluating yourself may be useless, because every one knows themselves. I have come across lot of intelligent and educated persons who have never spent time to evaluate themselves. That is the reason; I want to give this subject some importance.
Because I come from engineering background, I have to understand any thing I want to think and do, and I believe that I must write down my ideas. It allows me to review my ideas when I need them and may not be in the same state of mind. This is the reason I suggest that you also start writing your ideas and should always know how to find them at the time of need. One way is to write them on computer files and store them on a pen drive if you do not have your personal computer. One thing important to remember is that information on computer Medias is good, but at certain intervals you must keep an extra copy at a different place for the eventuality of loss of the media. Another method is to send e-mail to yourself attaching the files containing your ideas.
These are my suggestions:
Evaluate yourself as to who are you and what are you. Who you are is quite complicated and involves many religious and philosophical concepts, so I am not qualified to discuss it. I will try to help you in evaluating what you are.
First part of what you are is your resume or bio-data. Some people call it a “laundry list”. This describes information about you which is recorded some where and with appropriate help any one can verify it and it does not involve your thinking process. The second part is a list of your qualities, your preferences, likes and dislikes. I think everyone should be as clear as possible about their own particular list. Prepare this list as detailed as possible. Whenever you get additional ideas, keep modifying this list, but at any one time, you should have only one list. It may also be beneficial if you can start giving appropriate weights to some items in your list. If I want to make a list of 10 places to visit, I need to write them in a sequence of importance – so that if I do not have enough time or resources, I know which ones I need to visit first.
This list should include what are the things you like/dislike, what type of actions you like to do, what do you expect from a friend and similarly all other items that come in your mind.
Whenever you think of adding another individual as your friend, gradually, keep informing him/her ideas from this list. Chances are when you give your friend these ideas; your friend will also start giving you his/her similar ideas. If you decide that a particular friend will be your closer friend, make sure that you have conveyed him/her all the points from your list.
TRY TO EVALUATE YOUR FRIENDS:
Whenever you want some one to be your friend, you evaluate this person. Basically you try to find if there are more things which will make you happier in discussing or working with this person. I think the items which make you compatible with this person are good and necessary. At the same time, it is equally important to concentrate on the things which make the person “not compatible” for you. Spend lot of time to find “non compatible” qualities and evaluate if such items will be within your tolerance limits. If such items are likely to become beyond your limits, do not spend lot of time with this person.
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